


On Your Own / Pretending She’s Beside You

by Yiero



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hollstein - Freeform, Unrequited Love, hollence, second-pov, unrequited hollstein
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 19:50:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18372911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yiero/pseuds/Yiero
Summary: Carmilla deals with the consequences of a relationship that will never be. One-shot.





	On Your Own / Pretending She’s Beside You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. So this was initially written as an original piece for my Creative Writing class, but I liked it so much that I didn’t want to let it die in the crawlspace of my Google Drive. This is my first fic in the fandom, so criticism is welcome! 
> 
> * Inspired by ‘On My Own’, from LES MISÉRABLES.

That little smile which lights the stars, some little twitch of the lips which enamors the soul — since these make her an angel whose wings have the surest ardor of the silver moon, that she gives you these things, that her little smile echoes — echoes without love. It echoes without feeling. Yet she is the girl to whom your heart belongs; she is the woman with whose it must never sync.

You worship her against reason. You adore her against thought. Millions of miles she lives away; belongs to another destiny, to another world, to another lifetime, to another heart; an entity that is entrenched with woe, but a woe which cannot withstand the power to endure, the awe of her eternal soul. When she cries, you cry. When Laura laughs, you laugh. When Laura lies that she could desire you, you tell yourself that what you want could someday be. 

You are a slave to these delusions. Fantasy steals reality's hand for a twisted dance, a twisted tango, plucking at your heart-strings as though expert instrumentalists, reminding you of the days when she had left you, and when she had returned; her dreams of the future, of living together in a downtrodden apartment; perhaps the portrait of children, an aver on the purchase of a dog or a cat or a dozen of each; or of the white picket fence twenty-years in. She fantasizes of a wife, a woman who is not you, a woman who dreams all of these things in sync with her. She dreams of a woman with whom she can share her hopes — a woman you are not. 

You see her for the first time when you enter adulthood. She's a flash of blonde hair and brown eyes and pallid goose-flesh and the smile you've come to — dare you say it? — love. But that smile is directed at someone else. A girl stands at her side, the girl about whom she has cried, has complained, and you realize the desperation Laura holds for Danny is the same desperation you hold for her.

You smile at her, and your fingers ripple into an awkward wave. She can hardly see it through the forest of people at the airport, the must of sweat, the sharp scent of curry, the beat of your heart for a day that will never dawn — but then she does, she sees you, with your simple height and lean figure, almost like a fiend, and you see her. You see her. She smiles. You return one or another, a smile which stands all on its own.


End file.
